


the infinity

by orphan_account



Category: the infinity
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-29
Updated: 2016-11-29
Packaged: 2018-09-03 03:16:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8694259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: life goes on and isak is still just drifting





	

_Jonas is dating Eva so he shouldn’t love him. Jonas is dating Eva so he shouldn’t love him. Jonas is dating Eva so he shouldn’t love him._

But Isak happens to believe in fickle, unequivocal things like fate and destiny and all things that leave feeling this way completely out of his control. For whatever reason, they met at a certain time on a certain day at a certain place and from that day on Isak has been falling deeper and deeper until the point where he feels like he’s just... drowning in it.

Because he does feel like he’s drowning. Sometimes his head is afloat and he can smile so easily and breathe like _1, 2, 3_ because Jonas is there, nudging his side and asking if he did the Biology homework already. But then before the song on his iPod has even ended, Jonas has taken out his earbud and is looking up, looking at her. He smiles, too, but it’s not for Isak.

Anyway, even when he smiles at him, it’s not the same way Isak does for him.

And then he’s crashing through the waves, choking on nothing and everything but the way he holds her tight and forgets Isak’s even there at all. He’s thrashing about in the darkness and pleading, deep down in the abyss of his mind, _can’t you see it, Jonas? Can’t you see that I die every fucking time that you cancel our plans to meet her? Can’t you see that I always end up coming back to you anyway?_

But he doesn’t say any of that and he’s breathing fine because it’s not really like that. So what if he loves his straight best friend who loves his perfect girlfriend? They’re still his friends. He’ll get over it. Or, at least, save the brooding for nights spent awake and counting down the hours until he can just lose himself in calling Jonas and blaring out pretentious rap music in his bedroom and taking Lea out skating.

It doesn’t matter at all the way he feels about him.

He’ll get over it.  


-  


He’s staring at him with his arms wrapped around his chest, lost for words. He knew it was bad. _Really_ bad. But he doesn’t think he ever expected to see his Dad and Lea by the front door, one slam of it away from leaving him and his Mum for good. He doesn’t want to cry because when he cries he’s loud and he doesn’t want to wake her up, but nothing else feels real but the way the tears drip down his cheeks.

"Isak,” he’s saying and his voice is strained. But he’s the one tearing this family apart. He doesn’t deserve to get to know how Isak feels. “Be a good kid for me. Take care of your mum.”

Because, of course, he’s leaving him here with her. He’s not even given a choice in it. He’s taking Lea, the _real_ good kid, and then he’s gone from their lives. Isak thinks maybe he doesn’t love Isak anymore than he loves the woman who slices her fingers open turning the pages of the Holy Bible so quickly.  

But his throat is dry and his voice has shrivelled up and he’s sinking to his knees on the stairs, unable to form the words he wants to so desperately yell at him. He can’t even move an inch to hug him goodbye or snatch their suitcases away. _Don’t go,_ he thinks. _I love you, Dad. So just don’t do this._

“Isak?” Lea’s asking in her tiny, tiny voice, holding a hand out. His chin wobbles and he blinks away fresh tears.

“Bye, bye Lea,” he croaks out. He stands up, turns away and heads back up the stairs.

The door slams.

He wonders what he should make Mum for breakfast.  


-  


She looks over her shoulder and all Isak can think is _fuck, she’s beautiful._ She’s beautiful in the way her hair curls at the ends and the way her smile stretches for miles and you can feel her hugging you with her blue eyes. He doesn’t think she’s beautiful like he’d make out with her because he doesn’t want that and he doesn’t want that with any girl and he doesn’t want to think about that but - but he thinks she’s beautiful like he’s just lost one of the most beautiful things in his life.

Because they’d been best friends once, the three of them. They’d called each other up in the middle of the night, ranting about petty shit. They’d drunk so much of their parents’ stash they’d passed out, curled up together like small, affectionate children. They’d even done stupid shit like egging a guy’s house when he called their friend a slut and stealing three large bottles of banana milkshake, each one hidden under their jumpers.

They’d been a trio.

Now they probably won’t talk anymore.  


-  


Life goes on and Isak is still just drifting. He doesn’t like Jonas anymore but it doesn’t mean he hates himself any less, especially not when he’s sneaking peeks at the other boys in the changing room like a pervert. He’s moved out from their old house of memories but it doesn’t mean he’s blocked his mum’s number yet, still vaguely hoping one day she’ll ask him how his day was rather than sending yet another bible passage.

He still reads every message, though.

School is nothing but _B_ grades and white lies to his mates and home is nothing but takeaway pizzas and the awkward conversation with Linn in the kitchen at midnight. He can’t remember the last time he laughed without a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach.

He hooks up with Emma at a party for some dumb reason and he’s glad that he’s too high off his arse to really care about the fact he couldn’t get it up for the most gorgeous girl at school.

Life goes on and Isak is still just drifting.

Then he meets Even.  


-  


_“Hallo.”_

_“Hei.”_  


-  
 

“I really do think life is like a movie,” Even muses. “Do you get what I mean?”

Isak nods. He wonders if Even is the director of his life, whether he’ll choose Isak to play the starring role or not.

He thinks he’s in love again.  
 

-  


Even comes into his life as quickly as he leaves it.

And then he comes back anyway.  


-

   
“Don’t leave me again.” He doesn’t realise that he said it aloud until he meets Even’s eyes but he wouldn’t take it back, either.

Even’s hand, on his thigh, squeezes him. “I told you I was just with your friends, cooking.”

Isak is quiet for a minute or two. There’s a million things he could say, a million things he thinks Even might already be hearing.

“Don’t leave me again,” he repeats, studying the way Even’s adam apple bobs when he swallows thickly for no reason other than to remove all the words _he_ can’t quite form, either.

He shakes his head and leans forward to kiss him.

Isak thinks he can taste infinity on his lips.


End file.
